Viability

I had my u/s this morning with WN1. She said it was definitely more defined. She thought she could see some changes within the sac and a possible start to a heart.
She did not see a definte heartbeat.

I am waiting to hear from her on what the DR says to do. I am guessing she will say to do betas on Wed and Friday and schedule another u/s for Friday. (My poor little arm veins!)

We have to keep watching until they can determine viability.

She is concerned because it is definitely smaller than a 6week sac (although the u/s machine marked it at 6weeks0days – which is what I would be today – I guess the u/s machines have a wide margin of sizes for the first 4 – 6 weeks) and with the odd numbers at the beginning it is hard to tell.

She suggested the possibility that I ovulated later on my own after the trigger and that this is actually a week behind what we would expect post trigger. It is possible. We definitely had s*x that next weekend, although not for the express purposes of procreation.

It is so hard to wander through this time of unknown. It is hard not to start getting excited and thinking of a future and where we will be in early January. Yet, I feel like if I don’t wait, don’t remain cautious, I will end up being crushed. I know I am strong enough to handle loss. I just wish I could be really excited….

I think of all those fertiles in the world that can just take a home test and proclain their status to the world. It seems so simple.

Of course, just recently in my family we learned the hardships of being overly optimistic with fertility. I don’t want to go into details, but I think what they experienced would be harder than our potential loss. At least it is not completely out of the blue for me. It is never easy, in any case.