hi ho hi ho

I went back to work on Monday.
The Zerker is being cared for three days a week by a friend (T).
I will work from home the other two days. I am sure that will take some figuring out, but I do feel blessed to be able to do it, for a while at least.

During her first week I went to visit a day care and see if we were interested in taking her there. We decided home care was best, plus T is a super mommy and I know she will treat Zerker like her own.

That first week I came home sobbing thinking of someone else watching my baby. And, while I love her so much I want her around every minute, I also know that we can’t do that right now. So going back at 6 weeks is not the worst thing in the world.

I have been going a little crazy the past few weeks, and I think going back to work will help distract me from that. I think if I had planned on staying home fulltime for a longer period of time I would have been able to get involved in more things (especially after the six week mark) like mommy – baby gym stuff or volunteering or all of the other cool stuff that mommies and babies do, but since I knew I had to go back to work I couldn’t get involved in all that stuff. So these weeks have been fabulous for the Zerker and I getting to know each other, but I have sort of lost my normal get up and go type of personality and I need to get off of the couch.

Having such a short amount of time at home has made it seem like this week was when our real day to day life begins. This is the life we have been waiting for.

And I sort of feel like I am setting an example for the Zerker (although I know she is too young) to show that you can find some balance, bring home the bacon and fry it too or something like that. Please note that I am not dissing SAHMs at ALL. Becoming a mother to the zerker and staying home these weeks has only increased by admiration for SAHMs of the world.

If I waited longer then it would probably be harder on both of us, especially the Zerker. Going now gives her a chance to get used to T and not having me there 24-7from an early age.

I figured I would be a mess all day on monday (the longest I had ever been away from her was about an hour), but really, I wasn’t. My boss is super cool and wants to ease me back into my work (actually he wants me to transition to something else which is freaking awesome) so I am not overly stressed this week and next at work. For the first time in a long time when I was going home I was excited (sort of like waiting to check and see what Santa brought you or what was in your easter basket or whether you got the part in the play or made the dance team)…driving home I didn’t drive too fast, but I wanted too…I wanted to race to Ts and give the Zerker a big hug.

ANd when I got home monday night I just kept her with me nursing for hours until I started to fall asleep. I didn’t want to even let DH nuzzle her. I will get over that! I didn’t realize how tired I was until DH was tired too and it was too late…so I do have to pace myself.

Today I work from home. Since I am pacing getting back into things there isn’t a whole lot to do, so I was able to take a nap with Z (really needed it) and give her a bath (she hates it – i had to nurse her a bit just to calm her down after that…). I have a playmat here in the office along with her carrier and a bouncer. Right now though she is in my er.go.baby.carrier…. (Did I tell you friends that I got one???I love it!)She was nursing while I was working at first, but I didn’t like how her head was and she was falling asleep anyways so she is just snuggled up to my belly/chest while I type/work away.

She is starting to wake up…so more to come!