edges of spirit

I was told I need to have a thicker skin.

I know I can be more sensitive than others at times. I don’t always see this as a character flaw.

I believe being sensitive allows me to have a greater awareness of the emotions that are around me at any time. Whether those emotions are concerning me or not, they have an affect on my outlook.

And, when negativity pervades into my emotional boundaries – it affects how I work – it affects what I do. And I will try my hardest to block the problem – to keep my chin up and move on. But, there is only so much I can do to block it.

If that negativity is directed at me personally – without cause – on a daily basis – I will NOT get over it. And, it is NOT my problem. Oh, how I react to it is, but it doesn’t seem quite fair to respond that I just need to get a thicker skin. If someone had reached out and chopped off my arm, or attempted to and succeeded with a few fingers every day, then the physical signs would be obvious, and blame would not be placed on me.

And the person that was doing these things knows this is the type of person I am. So blaming me in this case is sort of like saying a woman is asking to be assaulted because she has a beautiful red dress on. Someone knows I am susceptible to negativity – is having a shitty time in their life – and decides it is best to take it out on me – its alright – I’ll absorb it – and I was asking for it for being so sensitive in the first place! Plus everything is just perfect in my life – so I must deserve something negative too!

I refuse to harden myself. It is part of who I am. It enables me to do the things that I do, and do them well. It allows me to have real and true empathy. It strengthens my creativity.

I must keep the edges of my spirit in flux – to allow to pull in – and then allow to push out. I must find a way to take negativity into a void – but NOT build a barrier – that would be like cutting off the tips of my fingers – or my taste buds. The edge of my spirit is my sensory tool for understanding the world better.

When will humanity move forward to understand these are traits we need – and not try to turn us all into bots that don’t feel?

(ok maybe the emo-less robot concept is a little harsh – but dude – I am not gonna get a thicker skin….)