insomnia Ramblings

Because I am up at 2:52 am, I am going to post this.
I am actually in a positive, mood, but I am extremely reflective. Obsessing over strollers, although probably inconsequential and somewhat materialistic, at least passes the time and keeps me from obsessing over whether Nadie will get the last job he interviewed for, or whether everything will go well at C’s birth and 30 years from now Nadie and I will be paying for Z’s wedding while C toasts her magnificence. See – strollers can be helpful.
I have my 33/34 week appt friday. I will see a different doctor than usual, but thats fine because I have seen all of them in this practice. I am going to ask about PPD and perhaps taking an anti-anxiety or anti-depressant after C is born. At least I want to be prepared for what my options are.
It isn’t because I think I will get so depressed that I can’t handle it. I just know that last year our transition with Z was hard, and we made it through fine, and I went to therapy when I needed to. The thing is that I have enough experience to understand when my emotions affecting my actions. I can pull myself out, and I have always relied on therapy in the past. But since I have this grandiose, albeit probably crazy, plan to start school in the fall I don’t see a lot of time slots for therapy sessions in the future. And to be honest, if I could take a little medicine that actually helped cause me NOT to have the feelings rather than just getting through them, then I think I am interested this time.
Nadie just came in to see what I was doing. He can’t sleep either. He can’t blame C! He will probably blame me. I think we are going to grab little Z and snuggle with her while she tries to sleep peacefully and enjoy our singleton in the wee hours.
Good night, y’all!